Plots Based on Posters - “Gross Anatomy”
Joe Slovak is a professional basketball player who wants to become a surgeon so that he can alter his skeletal structure to become the greatest basketball player of all time. He is tired of being dunked on and being unable to find jeans that fit or don’t need an undersized woman’s belt to hold them in some sort of “place.”
Daphne Zuniga reprises her role as Jo Reynolds from the hit TV show “Melrose Place.” In a sense, this is a prequel to “Melrose Place” because SPOILER ALERT Jo flunks out of medical school, which is where she is when she meets the other Joe. But at this point Jo Reynolds is still a happy-go-lucky early 20-something that is yet to reach the bitter and broken Jo of “Melrose Place.”
Subplot: A young Vanilla Ice plays the leader of a group of medical students with serious back problems. They openly hate Jo and learn to hate Joe because they suspect that he is a Russian spy and maybe also that she is a Russian spy? “Ruskie Joe” is what they call him and “Ruskie Jo” is what they call her. The key to regaining full back support for the group is to stop the Russians from their organ harvesting, a secret Soviet Cold War operation from 1979-1990.
Long story-short, Joe and Jo fall in love and everyone gives them the pet name JoeJo. This is getting to be a big trend in Hollywood, IMHO, as we can see from the name “YeTay,” a name used to describe power couple Kanye West and Taylor Swift. Oh yeah, Joe Slovak HATES the white coats that doctors wear. WITH A PASSION. This is just one of the qualities that Jo loves in him.
Okay, are you ready for it? Clinch your butt-holes - Joe Slovak IS a Soviet spy! Vanilla Ice is totally RIGHT, for the first time in his entire life. YOU HEAR ME WORLD? VANILLA ICE IS RIGHT. Joe Slovak trained for years with basketball great Jerry West to become a pro-basketball player JUST TO USE PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL AS HIS ANGLE TO GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL AND BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT. It’s the best track to get the inside scoop on organ harvesting.
HOWEVER, Jo Reynolds is ALSO a Soviet spy. She was sent to medical school to test Joe’s dedication to the USSR because Gorbachev thinks he may have become a double-agent. But, Joe suspects that Jo is a double agent. But she isn’t! Vanilla Ice, however, is an agent for the Soviets who HAS defected and become a double-agent! GET IT, OR ARE YOU TOO STUPID?!?!?!?!
Yes right, that means Jo Reynolds on “Melrose Place” is a Soviet spy … or maybe former Soviet spy.
In the end there’s a huge shoot out and car chase. Vanilla Ice dies but so does Joe. This is what leads to her bitterness on “Melrose Place.” When Jo returns to the Soviet Union, her superiors ask her, “How was mission?” in a thick Russian accent. Jo speaks in Russian because it’s good for Daphne to show off her acting chops. Jo tells her superiors that the mission was a success because she did ultimately prove that Joe still had loyalties to the USSR. However, Joe’s mission was a failure because, you know, he died. So on the folder for Joe’s mission, because all secret missions have folders (duh), it reads something in Russian. Then on the screen in subtitles we read “Operation: GROSS ANATOMY.”
Right, because of the organ harvesting.